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给妈妈的信:您很“肥”,却很美!

作者:admin 发表于:2016-09-12   点击: 评论: 0

  Dear Mum,

  I was seven when I discovered that you were fat, ugly and horrible. Up until that point I had believed that you were beautiful—in every sense of the word. I remember flicking through old photo albums and staring at pictures of you standing on the deck of a boat. Your white strapless bathing suit looked so glamorous, just like a movie star.

  But all of that changed when, one night, we were dressed up for a party and you said to me,“Look at you, so thin, beautiful and lovely. And look at me, fat, ugly and horrible.”

  At first I didn’t understand what you meant. “You’re not fat,” I said earnestly and innocently, and you replied, “Yes I am, darling. I’ve always been fat; even as a child.” In the days that followed I had some painful revelations that have shaped my whole life. I learned that:

  1. You must be fat because mothers don’t lie.

  2. Fat is ugly and horrible.

  3. When I grow up I’ll look like you and therefore I will be fat, ugly and horrible too.

  With every grimace at your reflection in the mirror, every new wonder diet that was going to change your life, and every guilty spoon of “Oh-I really shouldn’t”, I learned that women must be thin to be valid and worthy. Girls must go without because their greatest contribution to the world is their physical beauty.

  Just like you, I have spent my whole life feeling fat. When did fat become a feeling anyway? And because I believed I was fat, I knew I was no good.

  But now that I am older, and a mother myself, I know that blaming you for my body hatred is unhelpful and unfair. I now understand that you too are a product of a long and rich lineage of women who were taught to loathe themselves.

  Look at the example Nanna set for you. Despite being what could only be described as famine-victim chic, she dieted every day of her life until the day she died at 79 years of age. She used to put on make-up to walk to the letterbox for fear that somebody might see her unpainted face.

  I remember her “compassionate”response when you announced that Dad had left you for another woman. Her first comment was, “I don’t understand why he’d leave you. You look after yourself, you wear lipstick. You’re overweight—but not that much.”

  Before Dad left, he provided no balm for your body-image torment either.

  “Jesus, Jan,” I overheard him say to you.“It’s not that hard. Energy in versus energy out. If you want to lose weight you just have to eat less.”

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